On the purity of men with respect to looking at women

First of all, I am a Christian. And my spiritual life is through the (catholic) Christian faith. So my views on this subject is mostly based on my Christian maturity. I sincerely think these things can be read substituting the word 'Christian' with 'human'. I did not mean to hurt anyone due to this. If you do not like this, please do not read or ignore. Also, the word "Love" used here only means the "Love of God & Love of neighbor" as spoken in the Bible. Thanks

Prayer: Lord, guide me and my hands so that I write what is acceptable to you.

Since I am a man, I would like to speak for men. Because I personally find that the Purity for men is more necessary in today's world than for women.

We all can agree and be sure that, women and men are created to love and supplement each other. Views like one is higher or lower, in any worldly aspect, fall short of matured Christian view.

For this discussion, when we say 'women', it may include one's spouse, depending on the context. In my heart, I personally feel that, inordinate and inappropriate immodesty, even between married couples (i.e. closed doors) is neither a sign of Godliness nor a sign of a good Christian. Because, more the life is of the body (and its pleasures), more it is not of its spirit.

As Christians, humans (both men and women) are called to be Pure in spirit (and also in the body). Our Lord Jesus does not even want men to look at a woman in a lustful manner. This is very true regardless and outside of how women dresses. Our Savior Jesus Christ tells: You have heard that it was said to them of old: Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart. [Mathew 5:26-28]

Job (in Bible) says - I made a covenant with my eyes, that I would not so much as think upon a virgin (Job 31:1). This man Job is credited in Bible as a good man before the eyes of God.

So this means, irrespective of the perceived modesty of the woman in context, men are called to be pure that is to walk in the path of Salvation.

St. James says - But every man is tempted by his own concupiscence (which means sexual desire or lust), being drawn away and allured. Then when concupiscence hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin. But sin, when it is completed, begetteth death [James 1:14-15]

By our faith and as we read and agree, in today's world, facing the temptations is some times unavoidable and at the same time it certainly is not a sin, but yielding to the temptations is a sin. Even then, if such a sinner, in the effect of the love of God, realizes the damage he or she caused to his or her Creator, finds a true contrite heart in oneself consequently and confess to our Lord (and make efforts not to do that again), then the person will be (back) on the path of Love which is the path of Salvation towards Heaven. 

This is taken from elsewhere on the web - If you're a woman, don't devalue the mystery of your body by putting it on display for just anyone to see. Women are mature enough and are in a better position on the aspect of their own body, with respect to the society, ethics and human instincts. However, given a chance, I would kindly beg any woman to (take efforts to) wear always the dresses that are modest and/or conformable to true Christian standards.

Personally this is what I would like to say. Modesty means doing the best, with respect to one's dressing and/or behavior, to cooperate with the people in the surrounding to alleviate the possibilities of sexual temptation. This mutual responsibility might keep the love, especially between opposite sexes, free of errors and confusions.

St. Paul in Scriptures says:

I will therefore that men pray in every place, lifting up pure hands, without anger and contention. In like manner women also in decent apparel: adorning themselves with modesty and sobriety, not with plaited hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly attire. [1 Tim 2:8-10]

Many women of these days, especially younger generation, does not seem to realize the reason for why they need to be or shall be modest. Sometimes, I guess, they either do not know the real meaning behind it or do not like to accept it.  

St. John Vianney says - Some people are so profoundly ignorant that they do not recognize a quarter of their ordinary sins.
From my personal experience on seeing the interviews in the media and news, some womankind even go to the extent to call "clothing modesty" a folly or an irrelevant thing in the current age. These womankind "may not be" spiritual enough or "may not have" experienced the love of God in a true sense.

I sometimes feel that when a women dress immodestly, a sinful nature gets initiated in themselves and this nature (secretly) gets fed by all kinds of looks on them by most of the men around them. Being used to this vainglory and secret (active and passive) admiration from others, how can such women then be able to accept to realize the need for modesty or be willing to stop dressing in that manner? Most of the men who admire a woman this way are sinful in nature. Good souls, depending upon their relationship with God, either do not see this tempting display or do end up getting hurt or tempted. Women of this nature rather seem to entertain and enjoy the admiration of the bad souls than to lovingly cooperate with the good souls. Such women unknowingly or intentionally serve as instruments in the orchestration of evil things. This certainly does not mean, this is the case for every woman. At the same time, we shall not forget that God forgives those who realizes and repents. And, our God only knows the true fact of every soul. I, being a grave sinner, am not the one to judge anyone (especially in particular), because everyone of us are God's children.

One of my spiritual guide has felt the following:

Immorality and amorality have reached unparalleled levels in the world to-day. Even ancient pagans had greater notions of modesty, fidelity, honor and honesty than men today

We can rather feel, in certain contexts, that immorality and amorality have become indistinguishable. By this I mean, the spirit of darkness is clever to use the evolving of generations and the gap in between them, to infuse immodesty into the human society. For a new youth of the current generation, this kind of dressing (i.e., the immodesty of the past generations) is a normal natural thing. Even good values of the past are a mockery of the current. The evil one seemed to have fed this poison so much, but very little by little in each evolving generation. The evil spirit proves to be certainly more clever than human spirits and is a clear winner in this case.
Nowadays, our society does not even know anymore that this is a poison to our souls. Some actually take offense against anyone who whisper anything about the need for clothing modesty in their midst. I would not be surprised if people who talk about modesty are considered mentally challenged or crazy or out of times. Many times, such people are called to first clean their eyes rather, quoting the bible. You see, how much devil's achievement has reached. By these things, can't we see and learn that the evil spirit is more powerful than humans in general, especially those who are without good spiritual arms?

If a parent keeps dressing their daughter, from her child hood, scanty or in any manner of exposing her body, would she feel anything odd on dressing (at least) in the same manner in her later youth days. Most probably not. Mostly this could happen to girls who do not take the relationship of God serious. And, when she sees boys (and even men) looking at her in an admiring or devouring manner, and knowing at the same time that such men cannot harm or abuse her in any way, she certainly would feel great. She feels that she has a secret power and control. Being puffed up and blindfolded by this satisfaction, she cannot realize that it is a worthless trifling offered to her in disguise, in exchange for letting herself controlled, by the devil himself. Anyways, who would want to give this up? She will start worshiping that feeling in her heart secretly. And, in her youth or adulthood, when some people come forward, to advice or to recommend her to dress decently or in a better manner, she would certainly think them as crazy people who are trying to deprive her basic right. As a result, she would ignore or get away from them totally.

Dear God's beloved, our society is gradually turning into be more and more of a marketing place to grab people to the path that does not lead to Heaven. I could not imagine if it could go worse than this. The most clever thing of the evil's part is, it infused this immodesty so gradually without even anyone noticing its progress distinctly or significantly. This could be true for any sin. The evil spirit gradually increases the gravity of the sins through generations. Well, our media (movies, albums, etc.), fueled by lots of money, also plays a major role in this phenomenon.

In a Christian context, it is not exaggerating to say that a good part of the dresses today are designed by (the influence of the) evil spirits. It is because most of them are scanty and/or revealing. Few dresses even might claim to purportedly cover the whole body, but rather it is so tight or transparent or distinct (fully or partly in color or shade) to reveal what is necessary (of the evil) to be revealed.

There was a time, I noticed a jeans pant, blue all over, but black near genital area. When I looked at the person who was wearing, it is very hard to not notice this. As an analogy, if we apply prominent or different color and bold-face a particular text on a paragraph or a page of any written matter, what does it mean? It means we want to emphasize that particular text. And by this, we would like to draw the attention of the reader closer so that the particular text is read carefully, more than once if necessary, in order to understand the text thoroughly. You tell me if the design of such jeans is not for the similar reason and motive!

I would like to quote a verse here: For it must needs be that scandals come: but nevertheless woe to that man by whom the scandal cometh [Mathew 18:7]. These may be the scandals to pull a man to sin. Our beloved God is the only one who knows the real truth behind each such incidents. We have to pray.

On the other hand, for the sake of the love of God, let us ponder on the benefits in wearing transparent or tight dresses? Isn't it like wearing and not wearing at the same time? On one had, it means I am wearing good enough for those who want me to wear a dress (and cover up), and on the other hand, at the same time, I am not wearing anything to those who want to see me naked or to those who want to learn about my body. Well, it solves two purposes in one thing.
How clever is the evil spirit and how defenseless humans (especially the designers and those who choose to wear them) are against this attack?


At the same time, we may feel the following. Suppose we change our perception on these dresses, the same situation would be different for those who are in the love of God. More the uninvited and unavoidable temptations, stronger the need for prayers. It also gives one more strong proof on how this world is more material. In Romans 8:28, it is said: And we know that to them that love God, all things work together unto good, to such as, according to his purpose, are called to be saints.

Evil spirit's aim is to give as many temptations as possible and so rob every men of the chances of loving God and the chance of attaining Heaven. It is true that not all men go intentionally and look out for temptations by eagerly/voluntarily watching bad things or going to places of that nature, etc. Evil spirit may not be concerned about the kind of men who are already absorbed into the abyss of this habit or sin, but rather more would be working towards catching a regular (naive) man.

Similarly, some of us men look at women lustfully no matter how she dresses. That is even if she dresses modestly or decently. If we are like this, we need to take the love of our Creator more seriously. We need to be more spiritual than physical. Let us do ourselves a favor by earnestly asking God in prayer to help us understand the situation and act in accordance with His will.

It is not hard to believe that common women have to be used as instruments in order to tempt and defeat the common and spiritual men. (The evil things has to be mixed gradually with the day-to-day regular, effectively the good, things without getting noticed by many) And, without any restraint, most common women knowingly or unknowingly would yield to be such instruments of bad spirits by choosing to wear dresses of this nature or by choosing to behave in that manner. We all know, the Holy spirit talks to us whenever we make wrong choices, especially more when we are in a good loving relationship with our God. In response to the whisper of the Holy Spirit, in favor of spirituality and goodness, bad spirit could as well whisper back from the other side at the same time saying - "Look my dear, you covered your body to the best you can (with the time, trends and dresses available in today's market) and so you are not doing anything wrong! Also can you not see everywhere that most of the women wear these kinds of dresses anyway, and so if a man, that too the one who is a stranger to you, has no control over his eyes and himself, he is the one to settle his accounts with God (and not you), so you please need not worry about it". O men who would like to love Christ, don't you know that each one of us have to settle our accounts, irrespective of the matters of others.

You know one thing for certain. We (the brothers) cannot use the immodesty of our sisters for our own sinful thoughts or behaviors. Simply, as Christians, we cannot and we should not.  It is like blaming the temptation (or the evil manifestations) for our (yielding into) sins.

God created us, both men and women, with the gift of freewill. In this context specially, freewill means women can choose to wear anything they would like to. If it hurts us, we may express or explain if it is possible and reasonable. If we cannot express directly, we can pray for the whole situation. And it is very important for us (men) to behave in the manner not blaming or judging them, because on our part, we would have to actually respect the gift of freewill given to women by our beloved God. And moreover, to be a good Christian, we are not the one to judge.

Day after day, generation after generation, temptations appeared to be gradually increasing. It would be the survival of the fittest. May be these are among the final days, these things have to occur and this will serve as a good 'acid test' to distinguish (and divide) the real good and persevering man from the other kind. The more we succeed in not yielding to our temptations by seeking the help of God (always and more when necessary), more we would please our Creator and Beloved. The path of the just departeth from evils: he that keepeth his soul keepeth his way [Proverbs 16:1]

Conclusion

Watch ye and pray that ye enter not into temptation [Matthew 26:41].  The only way men can keep their eyes clean, is by daily regular and sincere prayers (if possible for this cause). I sincerely welcome myself and all men to live a pure life and a life that has an eternal meaning. We should ask God to receive more of His graces and guard ourselves with the weapons of good spirit against these temptations.

So humble requests are made to every reader (especially the men including me) to seek the assistance of God in everything. If any man is serious in identifying and avoiding the sinful repercussions of looking at a women lustfully, let him carry a small notebook. Let him start to closely observe and possibly jot down (for later solitary review) his thoughts and disposition every time he looks at or come across any women (in person, in pictures, in videos, etc.). Once one pays close attention to one's feelings and thoughts on these encounters, one will know more clearly what we are talking about. In a way, unless we deprive us of something or unless we look at ourselves standing from outside of us, we do not know what it is we are doing or having. It is similar to watching (or taking a note of) the lies that we say every day for later review.

On this regard, every (good) parent can gladly put efforts to get some good modest clothing for their kids. Many times, nowadays,  it might take a lot of time, patience and courage in stores to find decent dresses. Let us remember our Lord's saying: How narrow is the gate, and strait (which means -  a position of difficulty) is the way that leadeth to life: and few there are that find it! [Mathew 7:14]. At this time and age of this world, it is not a surprise thing to find that we are being challenged to get good dresses (in stores). As days go by, we would gradually realize who controls what. Devil is the god or the ruler of this world (2 Cor. 4:4, John 14:13). Being the ruler, would the devil be sleeping?

If we like, we must educate our children appropriately about modesty and immodesty, especially in clothing and behavior. We, the parents, also have to be modest on our part for we are the models for our children.
With respect to dresses, in case we do not find such a store having good modest dresses, we can order over the internet or we can join hands and start one (physical or internet) store, giving opportunities to many, for which we would be blessed abundantly. 


My humble prayers and wishes for our understanding and success.

Ending prayer:  And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. [Mathew 6:13]

Thanks to God the Mighty


Remedies against Lust - Chapter from Sinners Guide
Modest swimsuits online store  
A Related article on the net
Another related "non-spiritual" article on the net - Some related words for buying modest swim dresses - Rash guard, Skorts, Short pants, etc.
Youtube link to a good interview about modesty with a past beauty pageant